Light
Softball
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In 2008, former college softball player Bonnie Hoffman reconstituted the Hangley Aronchick Segal & Pudlin softball team. All season long, many attorneys, paralegals, and staff came out to enjoy some fun in the sun and compete against other firms. "Team &" may not have won the championship, but throughout the season there were plenty of laughs and tons of excitement.
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The Award For the Fear
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Summertime
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We are quite lucky to have a resident poet in Tad LeVan. Here is his recent piece that announced a summertime party we had to break up a hot and humid afternoon. "Summertime" In light of the weather we're sittin' here wishin' Fear not fellow workers; our cries have been heard Tad LeVan
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The Transition Guide
The Transition Guide
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When several new lawyers joined our firm in 2008, we decided to help them out by creating a transition guide to help orient them to working at Hangley Aronchick. |
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Boo!
Hangley Aronchick opened on Halloween 1994. Resident poet Tad LeVan drafted this special ode to Hangley Aronchick's 13th Birthday.
The goblins are restless; the ghosts are a hoppin'
The eyes of the sugared-up children are poppin'
And everyone everywhere's starting to ponder
(Instead of just working, our minds start to wander)
To witches and werewolves and devils and freaks
To mountains of candy that should last for weeks
(Of course if it lasts more than three days or four
We're so sick we throw what is left out the door)
Next Wednesday is coming and with it a treat
A luncheon together where we can all meet
To celebrate Fright Night and yet something more:
That day long ago when HASP opened its door
So come down to "A" and get ready to party
We want all those smiles so you'd best not be tardy
The very same day that we call Halloween
Is also this firm's special birthday: thirteen
(Thirteen is unlucky; or so some folks say
But we sure as heck do not see it that way
See, all of us here want to be something special
Be smart and be fun and never superficial
We try to assure that we all are quite vested
In our special mott "We just can't be bested"
We bring in the smartest and happiest folks
The structure is flat and we love silly jokes
We'll kill ya with kindness and kill ya in court
Be it contract or tax law or corp'rate or tort
We're nice and we're kind, yet we'll hand you your ass
If you take us too lightly or give any sass)
But 'nuff about us; to the choir I'm preaching
For you all are experts about what I'm teaching
So please come on down and bring with you your stories
To share with us all -- we'll forget any worries
We'll eat and we'll drink and we'll laugh and we'll cheer
(And who knows who just may show up with some beer)
You'd best show your face 'cause I have a big hunch
That the following Friday there won't be no lunch
Tad LeVan
The Procedure
Bill Hangley sent the following email around the firm, and Michele Hangley did not miss her chance to tease some new associates . . .
Bill's message:
From: Hangley, William T.
Sent: Thursday, November 10, 2005 11:32 AM
To: attorneys
Subject: EAGLES/COWBOYS: MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL
We have four tickets available. You know the procedure.
and Michele's joke:
From: Hangley, Michele D.
Sent: Thursday, November 10, 2005 11:57 AM
To: David, Gregory B.; Tulante, Sozi P
cc: Hangley, William T.; Boyle, Kathy M.
Subject: FW: EAGLES/COWBOYS: MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL
As brand new associates, you may not be familiar with the ritual known as "the procedure." Here it is:
When one of these emails circulates, run as quickly as you can to Bill Hangley’s office. Once there, you should perform a cheer (of your own composition) that includes the words "Eagles," "HASP," and "Ampersand."
Tickets are awarded based on promptness, volume, and creativity in cheer lyrics. Bonus points for costumes and acrobatics. Group presentations are permitted, up to the number of available tickets.
If Bill Hangley is not in his office, feel free to perform "the procedure" for Kathy Boyle, Bill’s secretary, who is also authorized to judge Hangley Aronchick cheers. If Bill Hangley is in a meeting, taking a deposition or on the phone, you're in luck: go right in and perform your cheer. Because we at Hangley Aronchick feel that it is important to share our offbeat, charming ways with those outside the firm, bonus points are also awarded based on the number of firm outsiders who are present to witness your cheer.
Good luck.
Michele
PS: I understand that the Eagles/Cowboys tickets have already been claimed by Tad LeVan (one of the Firm's most creative performers of "the procedure"). Therefore, it is too late for you to get your tickets this time. There will be more tickets, however, so you can start working on your cheers now. For inspiration, be sure to ask others in the firm for their best "procedure stories."
EDITOR'S NOTE: UPDATE!
It turns out that the joke was on Michele. A marketing representative from another major Philadelphia sports team perused our website, found the above entry, and concluded that Michele must be the person responsible at Hangley Aronchick for season ticket purchases. She can't get rid of him.
Executive Committee Meeting Minutes
The firm’s Executive Committee meets weekly. David Pudlin generally dictates the minutes and they are typed by his secretary, Maria Seamans. Maria recently circulated the memo below.
To: ATTORNEYS
From: DBP
cc: JW, JDD, KNG
Re: EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE MINUTES - July 6, 2005
Date: July 6, 2005
1. The Executive Committee agreed that the firm should have a HASP Book Club. All employees are required to read the book selected by the newly formed “Book Selection Committee.” The first selection is Nancy Friday’s “My Mother, My Self: The Daughter’s Search for Identity.” Although this is a firm-sponsored project, the firm will not reimburse employees for their purchase of the book; that would cheapen the experience. The book discussion will take place at the Friday Lunch on July 29.
2. The Executive Committee does not approve of clichés, however it agreed that David Pudlin is a “people person.”
3. The Executive Committee agreed to hold a cow-naming contest. The winner will be selected by the newly formed Cow Naming Committee, consisting of HEH and DMS, and the announcement will be made after the book club discussion on the 29th. The winner receives a box of Omaha Steaks.
4. The Executive Committee discussed whether anyone actually reads the Minutes. Maria Seamans had a good idea for a test.
Noise Expert
NOISE EXPERT
Hangley Aronchick real estate attorney Richard Goldstein was concerned about some potential objections that might be raised concerning his client’s plans at an upcoming land use hearing. To that end, he sent the following e-mail message around the firm:
"Subject: Please let me know if you have the name of a good noise expert."
Joe Dworetzky quickly responded:
"My daughter, Anna, is a noise expert."
Anna was unavailable for comment.
Even in Death, Grammar is Important
The father of one of our shareholders recently passed away. While his family misses him, they are comforted by knowing that he lived a long and happy life. Following is the text of the card that the florist attached to the arrangement from the firm:
"Thinking of you and your family. Hangley Aronchick Segal & Pudlin. There are no commas between Hangley Aronchick Segal & Pudlin."
I'm sure the family was touched by our sentiments.
Message From The Chairman: Suggestions For Improving Our Business/Corporate Practice
The firm’s chairman, Bill Hangley, sent the following message around the office: A friend of mine, Al, sent me a couple of excerpts from a book of translations of ancient legal documents. Al thought I'd be particularly interested in the Formula of Excommunication of Animals. (Locusts and caterpillars are enjoined to leave the vineyards within six days, upon failure of which "we excommunicate them through this document and curse them by the same.") I was more impressed with a certain contract provision, circa 988 A.D. I think we should incorporate it in all agreements we write:
Now if anyone shall think to infringe on this deed of gift or bring a false action against it, may he be seized with jaundice and smitten with blindness; may he bring his present life to a miserable ending by the most wretched death and undergo everlasting damnation with the devil, where bound with red-hot chains, may he groan for ever and ever, and may the worm that never dies feed on his flesh, and the fire that cannot be quenched he his food and sustenance eternally.So much for your limp little liquidated damages or equitable relief clauses.
On Working at Hangley Aronchick
We asked our employees what they liked about working at Hangley Aronchick. Once again, here are their unedited, unembellished responses:
| From Sharon Weiss, Secretary: | Is this a trick question? |
| Several from Tad LeVan:
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Being immediately next door to Dock Street Brewery. They unchain us from our desks at least once a day and turn us towards the sun? I know, I know, I'm stretching. It'll come to me, I know it will. Soon, I shall be visited by the Muse. The wretched lights in Conference Room A? (One of many references to the unique light fixtures in our main conference room.) |
| From John S. Summers, Shareholder | Tad LeVan – he’s a pretty funny guy. While I’m his mentor, I don’t write his material. |
| Aaron Scholer, Former Paralegal (now completing his Doctorate in Military History at Lancaster University in England)
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Top Ten Reasons I Love Working at Hangley Aronchick: 10. Get to work with the other kids that got shoved inside their gym lockers in middle school. 9. Can't get enough of the words: "unduly burdensome" 8. Get to revisit the concept of the "boxed lunch," something we all thought we left behind along with nap-mats and snack time. 7. Realize that it isn't love that makes the world go 'round, in fact it's all about pretty sunsets. 6. Come to work just for the joy of riding in the elevator with the other inmates. 5. Get to play: "Name That Odor!" in the cafeteria every day at lunch. 4. Get to make copious amounts of money betting on when the network is going to take a dive again. 3. When you want to find out how Julia Pudlin's running career is going, there really is no substitute for working at HASP. 2. When you want to play softball for the sheer thrill of saying "We're the Hangley Hurricanes." 1. 'cause it's only a matter of time till we represent the makers of Happy Fun Ball and/or Slinky, and dammit, I want in on that case. |
Producing Documents in a Rush
All lawyers work under tight deadlines, but we were quite surprised by what one of our adversaries did recently. In a case that did not in any way involve rock music, we received a document production during discovery that included hundreds of pages of irrelevant documents, including a printout of all of the lyrics by the progressive rock band Rush. Yes, that’s over twenty years of lyrics. The kicker? All of the lyrics were stamped “Confidential.” We know that not everyone is as big a fan of the band as our own Alan Promer, but did the lyrics really need to be kept under seal?
Our Extensive Training Program For Young Lawyers
Our associates often e-mail each other with questions or comments on the law. They always welcome the important guidance that they get.
| From: New Associate To: Associates Subject: When I read some things it makes me feel better about being a lawyer . . . “The underlying purpose of law and government is human happiness and contentment, to be brought about by the satisfaction of human desires in the highest practicable degree.” Corbin on Contracts. . . the first sentence of the treatise. |
Among the many responses:
| From: Name Withheld To: Associates Subject: Re: Re: When I read some things it makes me feel better about being a lawyer. . . That having been said, the more immediate purpose of law and government is to compel our adversary to bow to our will, rendering us victorious. And all that is well and good, but the most proximate purpose of law and government is to get that deadbeat rat bastard to pay us the stinking money he owes, pronto. |
And a Dog Shall Lead Them
We have lots of pet lovers at Hangley Aronchick. Notably, one of us owns seven (that's not a misprint) cats, two of us have three dogs (Bill Hangley named his dog after his mother), one of us had an iguana (the departed Freddie, who needed surgery to repair a thumb), and one of us has a hermit crab (Herman). Ellen, a secretary in the real estate department, has several show dogs of which she is rightfully proud. In fact, one of Ellen's dogs, Keefer, placed 4th in the Sporting Group competition of the Philadelphia Kennel Club dog show. Of course, this couldn't go unnoticed: |
E-mail from Ellen:
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Yesterday's competition at the Philadelphia Kennel Club dog show, where Keefer (a/ka/ Ch. VC's House Call) placed fourth will be televised on ESPN. Unfortunately, no one at the show knew exactly when. If you see the listing, please let me know. P.S. My dog will make ESPN before Julia Pudlin!!!! (A reference to David Pudlin's superstar daughter, a junior in high school who just ran a 3,000-meter race in 9:57.6, placing her first in the nation among high school girls.) |
| Response from Pudlin: | I don't know about that. It has been a very long time since Julia finished as low as fourth! |
| From Ellen | Well, Keefer is only 14 months old after all. |
| From Bill Hangley: | Great response! Make her a partner! (Ellen, not Keefer. Well, maybe Keefer.) |
No Wire Hangers!
| To: | Janet Walker, Executive Committee |
| From: | WTH |
| CC: | Everyone |
| Re: | Coat Hangers |
| Date: | February 12, 2001 |
The elegant wooden coat hangers in the main closet, imported at great personal expense from Kilian's Hardware in fashionable Chestnut Hill, are my belated Holiday Gift to the firm.
I grew weary of wondering:
- Would the wire or plastic coat hanger selected by a client survive a two-hour meeting?
- If not, would a client risk injury from a hanger shard when she furiously gathered her trampled sable off the closet floor and thrust her arms into the sleeves as she stormed out of the office?
- Would the slogans on our hangers engender image or product confusion:
We love your drycleaning!
Mafucci Morticians -- The Last Ones to Let You Down
Club Risque - Sponsors of Wing Bowl? Truthfully, I ordered these before Janet (moved, perhaps, by Jen Owens' unsuccesful but heartfelt campaign promise) took the halfway measure of replacing our plastic hangers with better plastic hangers. My own hangers, which are individually hand crafted by Taiwanese descendants of Antonio Stradivari, simply could not be rushed. I've left Janet's replacements in the closet (inconspicuosly placed) and removed only those hanger-on hangers that most offended me. Even those have been placed in a box for possible recycling or long term storage next to Miriam's Island of Dead Computers. I did throw away the significant amount of hanger shrapnel that I found on the shelf and the floor of the closet. Why do you suppose people save broken hanger arms?
A belated Happy Holiday. This is just the first step in a general closet upgrade program. Next year, bigger and better door magnets!
And, of course, a response. This from John Summers:
Bill: Thank you very much for the update on the roll out of the new hangers.
In your excitement, however, I think that you have left some folks behind. Up until recently, the main closet on 28 housed only 11 skinny white plastic hangers, 3 wire hangers and several of those curious hard clear plastic things with cut aways (to hold skirts I think). Janet Walker was then generous enough to locate an additional 11 more classy hangers. (Thank you Janet.) Now we have about 25-things-to-use-to-hang-up-coats-with-that-could-be-called-hangers.
The news communicated in your e-mail thus raises several issues that I have been giving some thought to for quite a while.
First, should the 27th floor closet have better hangers than those on 28? I understand that the reception desk and the conference rooms are on 27, so that, I suppose, would favor having better hangers on 27 than 28. But due consideration should be given to the fact that the 27th floor closet is used by our colleagues so they are able to avail themselves of the new fine hangers. Thus, for 28'rs to be treated equally with 27'rs, the 28'rs should have access to fine hangers. (And to anticipate one of your potential responses, it is not enough that those on 28 could use the 27th floor closet because we have no closet on our floor with good hangers.)
Second, shouldn't all the hangers in any one closet be the same? We on 28 now have a jumble of hangers; some ok, some thin plastic and some ghastly looking things. This creates a bit of a rush-to-grab-a-hanger problem. Dan, for example, is always in very early and takes one of the best hangers. First in time is not always first in right.
May I suggest that the new space committee form a hanger subcommittee. I propose that Jen Owns be on the Committee because she is located somewhat near the closet; Tad Levan would be a good candidate because he is reluctant to voice his concerns about firm matters and this role would help him find his "voice"; Sharon McKee is in charge of the coffee group and there may be some synergies that we could realize; and Mark Aronchick could join as well because it would be helpful to have some Board guidance. I would be glad to help out as well.
Highlights
