- Do share time with your co-parent. In most cases, children benefit from seeing both parents during the holidays. This is especially true during Thanksgiving and Winter Break when there are a lot of family traditions.
- Do let your children enjoy holiday traditions with each family. Most families have traditions over the holidays, e.g. Thanksgiving dinner at 1 p.m. with mom’s family and at 6 p.m. with dad’s family. To the extent possible, parents should allow the children to enjoy the routine holiday traditions with each side of the family.
- Do not argue in front of the children. This actually applies year-round but requires additional mentioning around the holidays. If you and your co-parent are unable to keep the peace, then perhaps think of a few options to limit in-person contact. These options include having third parties do the custody exchanges or exchanging in a public place.
- Do be flexible. While many parents stick vociferously to their custody schedule, sometimes that is not in the children’s best interest. For example, mom’s family may be in town for the holidays and she may want additional time with the children because of that. In this instance, dad should be flexible when possible and give the children extra time with mom’s family. Make-up time can be worked out.
- Do not pass messages through the children. This is one of those year-round truths but it comes up more during the holidays as the children are off from school for extended periods. Parents are the ones who parent and make decisions. Children should not be the messengers for the parents. If a parent needs reminding of a return time or something related to the children, then a text to that parent is appropriate, but a message from the child is not.
- Do encourage the children to enjoy their time with the other parent. If possible (and this isn’t always possible), spend time together as parents with the children. The children will see this and appreciate that their parents can get along with one another. Lack of conflict is in your children’s best interest. In some case, a parent will even buy holiday gifts for the other parent from the children, which is evidence of the parent supporting the other parent’s relationship with the children.
- Do not tell the children how much fun you are having when doing activities that are not taking place during your custody time. For example, mom shouldn’t say, “We will be at Uncle Mike’s tomorrow night and everyone will be there playing games,” knowing that tomorrow night is dad’s night. It makes the children feel like they are missing out. The children will always be missing something when with the other parent, so it’s not necessary to announce it or make them feel bad about missing it.
